By Belinda Letts – Wedding Belle. Published 20/11/2021
How and why to organise a surprise wedding reflects what you need to consider before pulling off a surprise wedding. This article also outlines the pros and cons behind this way of surprising your guests. Then concludes with a step by step process of pulling off a surprise wedding. Chat to me about your surprise Wedding in the Yarra Valley, surprise Wedding in the Dandenong Ranges or surprise Wedding in Melbourne.
Not all couples want a formal wedding and frankly it makes them want to procrastinate getting married. This is a compromise between eloping and having a wedding you want without sacrificing your nearest and dearest loved ones being there to celebrate it with you. If that sounds like you, keep reading.
Part 1: Pros and cons organising a surprise Wedding.
Pros
And less input from family and friends. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding. You don’t need people telling you “back in my day”. Or “why are you doing cocktail / buffet we did sit down”? or “why are you choosing that venue”? Plus, the less questions and others input about your wedding, the smoother sailing the leadup can be. And it’ll also be the wedding you envisioned, not the wedding someone talked you into.
Your wedding doesn’t have to be so formal / traditional. It’s just about you, marrying the beautiful person you want to stand by for the rest of your lives. No flying doves, bride to the left, groom to the right rules and spending thousands on décor that will be in photos for 30 minutes.
You’ll save so much money. It’s recommended you let your venue manager in on the plan, but if it’s a non-traditional wedding venue, food and beverage will be a lot cheaper. You’re not sending out invites or having a huge bridal party (dresses, hair and makeup). Not having unnecessary ceremony backdrops (that might be a giveaway you’re not at the event guests think they’re at)
They’ll never see it coming. Guaranteed wedding no one will forget!!! Are you sold yet? But wait, there are a few things to consider.
Cons
Hate to say it, but some family might be offended. There may be a few guests that are upset you didn’t let them in on the plan. Or didn’t give them the opportunity to help you with your special day. They didn’t get to take you dress shopping. Or throw you a hens or bucks.
You might miss out on experiences. You might miss out on wedding gifts. I’m sure lots of people will buy you something after, but some will just forget. You’ll have to be okay with no bridal shower, hens or bucks. Maybe no engagement party too (pending when you do it). You might not have the ceremony décor, flowers or seating you imagined as a little girl.
You may have to lie to a few people you love. Occasionally you’ll get caught off guard and it’s hard to contain excitement for a big day. So, you’ll need to be comfortable with a good cover story.
Some friends and family might not turn up. If they think it’s a birthday or Christmas party, they might think it’s okay to skip or come late. But if its your wedding, very doubtful they’d miss.
Part 2: So now, here’s a step-by-step process of pulling off a surprise wedding.
You need an occasion and something big. The reason it needs to be big so guests you love don’t miss it.
- Engagement Party
- Birthday – 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th really anything. Something guests won’t be to “suss” about.
- Your little ones christening or birthday party
- Graduation party
- Christmas party
- NYE party (but some guests might be away)
- Baby shower
You’ll need a location. Find a venue that is your ideal venue for your wedding. Now if the website is a strict wedding website, it might be a giveaway. A lot of couples use cafes, function spaces, backyards or halls to tee up with what the occasion guests think they’re turning up to. Find a function manager or wedding planner that is in on your plan and can give you ideas where to hold the ceremony and the logistics on when, where and how the announcement should be made.
You’ll need to find a celebrant. Without all your girlfriends and family in on the plan. It’s extra, extra vital, when booking your celebrant. You’re booking your main supporting character in your big day. So, book one you enjoy the company of. Also, someone capable of telling your love story, being in on the plan and able to complete all your legal paperwork!
You’ll need a cover story for your celebrant. It’s bound that I’m subtly blended in with your guests. Where’s somewhere none of your guests have been with you? Some good ones I can be a work colleague, or we went travelling on a Contiki (if you’ve been on one). Hey, I’m keen to go full undercover.
You’ll need invites that have a sharp reason to be there on time. A recent surprise wedding I took part in was just after lockdown number 6 in Melbourne, cup weekend in October 2021. No one knew they were engaged during the pandemic. But for their little one’s 1st birthday they put on the invites 1pm-3pm. If it’s a short venue hire, people will likely be there on time. And they actually extended the venue hire so guests could kick on. On the invite you may have “speeches at” or “strict Xpm-Xpm venue hire” or “limited bar tab” (that sure would get my friends there early – haha). Another surprise Wedding I did in November 2022 was a baby shower. On the invitations I suggested 2pm start for a 3pm gender reveal. That way guests knew they needed to be there by 3pm for the formalities. Another surprise Wedding I took part in in August 2023 took place at their engagement party.
Planning your announcement
Planning when the ceremony will be during the event, will depend on the event itself. In this same recent surprise wedding (at a 1st birthday party). They were doing cakes + speeches and announced “by the way, we got engaged” – massive cheers. Then “by the way, we’re getting married today”. I then came up the front and we went straight into the Wedding. In the next surprise wedding I took part in I suggested at the gender reveal at a baby shower there was a balloon. The baby daddy went up the front and started gathering guests made a joke about ‘pregnant ladies bladders’ and his lady wouldn’t be long. Made a few jokes about popping the balloon, popped it (no gender colour came out) and said “Surprise, we’re getting married” I came up, did some housekeeping (giving the girls a few extra minutes for the change and touch ups) and boom queue music! The third “engagement party” surprise Wedding I took part in, there was no change of outfits. I got up as a friend of the couple, we took ages working out our cover story and an event that no guests there would know me. We all love country music so I had a good cover story for the engagement speech. I said “Paige and Phil. What a perfect match. I know Paige and Phil though our love for country music. We’ve been to CMC Rocks. The thing we all love about country music is it’s a pretty crazy time. And we thought we’d do something else crazy and get these two married today”
You’ll also need to consider. Do you need an outfit change during the event? Do you want someone to walk you down the aisle? Will there be a formal ceremony in a separate, hidden room? Or are you just happy to stand up the front with your best mate and marry them.
Or sometimes the best announcement, can be no announcement. Just go get changed during the event. Walk out and wait for the pin to drop. BOOM. Queue happy tears.
Thanks for reading and feel free to reach out if you would like an obligation free catch up to see if a surprise Wedding in the Yarra Valley, Dandenong Ranges or Melbourne is right for you.
Here’s some photos from a recent surprise Wedding me and my girl Allie Claire Creative (photographer) and The Conservatory Café Croydon pulled off. We were the only 3 souls that knew in the leadup to the big day.
Xoxo Wedding Belle.
